Sunday, January 31, 2016

It's Who I Am

Do you ever lose sight of who you are? Do you ever feel like your floundering in an ocean of opinions, expectations, demands, and labels? Do you ever lose sight of who God is? Do you ever find yourself begging Him to reveal Himself to you...yet again--because, although you hate to admit it, you seem to have...forgotten?

I can easily find myself there. I so often aim to be who others expect me to be, to be who others say I am. And...that is absolutely exhausting.

This week, I have been meditating on the truth of who God is, and who I am.

God, is a good Father, loving, gracious, generous, ever-present, perfect, and faithful. 

And BECAUSE all of that is true of God, I can trust who He says I am!

I am loved, chosen, beautiful, forgiven, a masterpiece. I am His.

Thankfully, none of these truths or realities will change. But surely, I will forget again. Maybe as quickly as tomorrow. But because God is good and gracious, He will always be there to remind me of who He is, and who I am. 

Friday, January 8, 2016

This Year..


Each year, I choose a verse or passage in Scripture to pray through throughout the year. It keeps me grounded and gives me a prayer focus (for myself). Last year, I knew with a new baby I would be coveting REST. So I prayed through Psalm 23...often!

This year, I'm still anticipating longing for REST (not just the kind I find by catching some zzz's but the kind I can only find at the feet of Jesus). And I'm also realizing how much I need God's GENTLENESS in my life. So I am praying Jesus' words over my life this year and clinging to His goodness.

By no means do I expect to be all rested, gentle, and Christ-like by December 31, 2016 but I sure hope to be closer to that than I am now. I long to be satisfied in His presence and to imitate His ways. And maybe, just maybe, by seeking Him and trusting who He is by praying His words over my life, I will see the fruit of that come the end of 2016!

What areas are you longing to grow in or what ways do you hope to experience God this year?

Monday, October 19, 2015

Show and Tell

As a college student, I remember attending a Fall Retreat with Cru and hearing the speaker share the idea that if you go see a movie that you really enjoyed, you're going to tell your friends to go see it too. It's like you can't help it. The movie was just THAT good. It would be a shame for others to miss out on the wonder of it. What was the speaker's point? That our relationship and experience with God should be just. like. that. We should be so moved by God--who He is AND what He does--that we are naturally compelled to tell others about it.

I was reminded of this recently as I posted a status on Facebook. The post read:

"I've been working out in my living room (utilizing nap time!) for the last 2 1/2 months. I'm in (quite possibly) the best shape of my life. I'm eating real, whole foods AND still successfully nursing my baby girl. Without trying, I have introduced & "recruited" 4 others to begin the PiYo program--because when you find something you like AND get the results you want, you share about it & people buy in."

I gave up my three-days-a-week-at-the-gym routine at the end of pregnancy. Over the summer, I took the plunge and purchased PiYo (a Beachbody workout program). This would not be my first experience with Beachbody--Tyler and I completed Insanity in 2012. But this time was different. I was committed. I set goals. I was sticking to the eating plan provided. And I was in a Challenge Group with my Beachbody Coach* along with other challengers--this aided in accountability, recipe ideas, encouragement, and FUN! 

And that's when I realized. Because my experience with PiYo has been so wonderful, I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want my friends who have been working or hoping for results to hear me out. I want people to experience the wonder of a 30 minute home workout that is kind to your body. I want to see others amazed at their success! Therefore, I am naturally sharing about it...every. chance. I. get. AND, because my physical results are evident, people are asking me about it. Like, a lot of people. Not only do I want to talk about it, but people want to know about it. They see a difference and are curious. This is exactly how I imagine it to be, ideally, in regards to the GospelWe should be so moved by God--who He is AND what He does--that we are naturally compelled to tell others about it. And shouldn't our lives reflect the difference He has made in us, to the point that people ask about Him? I think yes. 

Just like that movie that was so good, and just like the results from a good workout program... Jesus is worth sharing about. 

*I am currently NOT a Beachbody Coach. I am just a satisfied customer with the desire to see others achieve their goals! If you have questions about Beachbody, I would love for you to get in touch with my Coach, Krysta. Head over to her blog or her professional page.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Ask the Mirror

When is the last time you asked someone close to you a question that would help you grow?

For me, it happened just this week...and if I am honest, kind of on accident. As I was talking through the commitment of discipleship with a student athlete, I shared my commitment in the discipleship relationship. Next thing I know, I am asking her "how can I do these things better than I have in the past?" As I took my next breath I realized that I had just opened the door for her to speak truth into my life. I had stepped in front of a mirror, in a sense, by asking her to share with me how I could improve. Her answer was honest, gentle, and understanding as she expressed she would simply desire more time with me this upcoming semester as compared to last semester (when I was out for 6 weeks on maternity leave + had a newborn at home). Well that wasn't too bad! I thought to myself. So, as I had a smilier conversation with another student athlete, I thought I would ask the same question. Why? Because I desire to grow--even if it is going to be hard.

I am a firm believer that we NEED people around us, in our lives, to hold up the mirror and show us our blind spots. How do we expect to grow without the insight of others? The Bible says in Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." And oh how true that is! Relationships promote growth--through conflict, intimacy, conversation, time spent, etc. And as well as we may know ourselves, others see us through a different lens. We desperately need people in our lives who know us deeply; safe people who we can trust, to hold up the mirror, come alongside us, and champion us, ultimately, to the finish line of holiness in Jesus.

From one growth seeker to (hopefully) another...invite those in your life to be your mirror.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Unmet Expectations

Have you ever felt disappointed? unconsidered? left out? uninvited? unheard?

I would venture to say everyone can answer that with a YES! We have ALL found ourselves, at one time or another, with unmet expectations. And it's not really a great place to end up.

If I am honest, this happens daily in my my marriage, in motherhood, in ministry. It happens almost annually around the holidays, or on my birthday. It happens when company visits or when I vacation. It happens with family and with friends. It happens surrounding major life events. Unmet expectations and I are, unfortunately, quite acquainted.

It is so easy for me to mentally paint a picture perfect [fill in the blank: day, nap time, Christmas, date, visit, wedding, phone conversation, discipleship meeting, party, play date, Bible study, etc.] in my head and then when reality strikes, it looks like a Picasso next to my Monet.

The question is not whether or not we will face disappointment, rather the challenge is how to respond to the it.

For me, I run through several options...
A. Cry.
B. Share my selfish thoughts.
C. Laugh.
D. Put on a happy face, yet allow my heart to fill with bitterness.
E. Gossip.
F. Gratitude. Joy. Contentment. Humility. Understanding.

And, ideally, I choose F. (although A. is likely when pregnant...). When I am hit with disappointment, I so long to respond with a humble heart--one that recognizes I actually am undeserving and not entitled to whatever it is I did not get. But, unfortunately, I cannot say that I always do. Because I am still in process. Time, seasons of life, grace, relationships, and the being able to empathize have all aided in growing me in this area. But again, F. is not always my initial response. And for that, God pours down His grace. He continues to mold me more and more into His image. And the process ain't always pretty. But the outcome is absolutely worth it.

How do you handle disappointment? I would encourage you to check your heart next time you come face to face with it.

Friday, July 31, 2015

A Glimpse at the Unseen

A while back, I stumbled upon this fabulousness, summarized well by author Shauna Niequist as she writes, "My life looks better on the Internet than it does in real life. Everyone's life looks better on the Internet than it does in real life. The Internet is partial truths--we get to decide what people see and what they don't. That's why it's safer short term. And that's why it's much, much more dangerous long term." 

That article came to mind when I posted this photo on Facebook...
...and heard later from a friend, "Peighton is so photogenic! What a great picture!"

While it was her opinion, and I'd have to agree (I mean, come on. Look at that beauty!) this was take like 20. Some of our previous pictures looked like this (all unedited)...
(Trying to eat her shoes, which were then removed for the following...)

(Now eating the tutu. Can you say teething??)

(And, not quite sitting up on her own yet.)

And this was just ONE maybe 7 minute chunk of my day. Yes, I posted an adorable picture of my baby girl but she is not always smiley and bright eyed. And that is my point.

When I scroll through my "Internet life" I imagine people think I spend my days eating cupcakes, sipping tea or coffee, snapping pictures of my always happy little girl, on romantic dates with my husband, on adventurous getaways, enjoying stress free and mess free time in the kitchen whipping up something homemade, and having an extended quiet time in the Word. That is what my "Internet life" looks like.

What my real life looks like is very different. While all of the above does occur in my life, it happens in serious moderation. And you (cyber world) only see my highlight reel. You don't see the gift cards and coupons that allow for "splurging", or the pregnancy struggles we experienced; the argument Tyler and I had on our way out for the night, or the meltdown I had in the kitchen because we didn't have all the ingredients I needed (and I'd already started making whatever it is); the end of my quiet times when I leave my journal entry half completed because Peighton's nap time ends before I anticipated, or the breakdowns as I struggle to balance it all.

You don't see the sacrifice. You don't see the heartaches. And if I'm honest, I don't want you to, because a big part of me likes for you to think I have it all together...that my marriage, family, job, friendships, and leisure time is always peachy. That I can in fact keep up with the Jones's. But I find freedom when I share that it isn't so. When I release myself of the standard of perfection and allow you (yes, even you cyber world) to catch even a glimpse at the brokenness in my life, I can REST.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Motherhood + Ministry

I have found life as a mom to be many things. It is satisfying, demanding, tiring, busy, fun, draining, full, chaotic, and at the end of every day, ALWAYS worth it. By no means have I figured it out. I'm only six months in and have a lifetime to go. But I will say, I think I am getting the hang of it. This summer has been a huge growth season for me as I navigate what motherhood + ministry looks like--two of my forever loves. The marriage of motherhood and ministry looks different for every mom I know. There is no formula. While I find that both freeing and frustrating, God is directing me and leading my heart to what He has for me.

While Peighton was a newborn, and as a one car family, I found getting to campus to meet with girls very challenging. Between the scheduled need-to-gain-weight feedings for Peighton and Tyler's already concreted schedule, I was not left with much wiggle room. Monday evenings worked out for us to open our home to four girls for a discipleship group. Tyler was on bedtime duty and I was in the zone. With a love for hosting and leading young women, I found myself yearning for this two hour window each week.

Then summer came.

I anticipated being able to connect well with girls on our summer project because, after all, we were living in dorms in community, we ate as a group, we traveled as a group, etc. And then teething started. Oh good golly! Our time in Boston may have been the most cry filled three weeks of Peighton's short life. I spent so much energy trying to get her to sleep, or reach a place of contentment. And she spent so much energy letting me know she was not a happy girl.

So that is my lead into what God taught me this summer. I never saw it coming. 


A handful of moments stick out in my mind as I type that word. Moments where Peighton was not doing as I had planned or expected or desired. She wasn't sleeping, she was hungry out of her "schedule," she wasn't happy in her environment, or she was crying uncontrollably and distracting both me and the group. Often times this required me to miss whatever was going on. And because I not only love motherhood but also ministry, this brought me to tears. I was missing out....or so I thought. And as I sat in my pity party one night rocking Peighton to sleep (well past her bedtime and well into the event of the evening), she gently grabbed my face with her little hand...and God simultaneously touched my heart. I will never forget that exact moment. It is when I realized how fleeting these days are. Peighton will not always want me to snuggle her to sleep. She will not always depend on me for her nutrition. And I will not always be able to be there to dry her eyes. Oh how quickly I was convicted. God met me in my dorm room that night, He spoke tenderly to my heart, and asked me to patiently endure the blessing of seasons. 

Although I have tried, I cannot seem to plan out how each season and stage will look for me as I journey through motherhood + ministry over the years. But, I do know this...God is with me and He is for me. As I press into His presence, I will find not only contentment but JOY in each moment--whether in my home or on campus.